Once you’re in a committed relationship, you no longer face the awkwardness of questions like “Why aren’t you married?” Instead, you might find yourself pondering questions such as “When do you think he’ll propose?” or “Have you both discussed marriage?”
After being together for a year, these thoughts naturally start to arise in people’s minds.
Although I’m not opposed to marriage, and I could imagine us getting married one day, I find it a bit suffocating. I am referring to the stress of having to show others your marriage is permanent.
Due to the high divorce rate and negative connotations associated with marriage, I can understand why people are reluctant to marry. The dream of becoming a bride/groom is ingrained in our minds from a very young age. I can understand the hurt if your partner doesn’t want to marry you.
The marriage rate between women and men has fallen to a all-time low in 2019. In a poll on Instagram, I asked about the relationship issues that were most important to them. While most people thought that children are non-negotiables, about 60% of respondents were open to marriage.
Maybe your partner shares the same feelings. Consider these factors before you make an ultimatum or end things.
1.) Arguments against commitment don’t make any sense
It’s understandable that people are afraid of commitment. Some men, as the stereotype is said to be, can make women wait by refusing to admit they don’t have a plan for their future. Online, I’ve read about women who have waited for 5-10 years to get a marriage proposal only to find out that their partner has married someone else.
Quora threads suggest that a man who is not ready to marry you doesn’t really love you, does not want to be committed, has other priorities, wants to wait for someone else, thinks you aren’t “wife-material” and is likely to feel at liberty to cheat, as there’s no contract to stop him.
Since when, excuse my cynicism but has marriage ever stopped people from cheating on their spouses? I’m left wondering what kind of relationship people get into after reading these suggestions. No, I wouldn’t marry my partner to eliminate the possibility of an affair.
It’s a huge deal to be in a relationship (I would not waste time on a guy I can replace). A mortgage and moving in together is also a big commitment. Financial investments are never made with people you don’t intend to be with forever.
If your partner doesn’t marry you, it does not mean that you’re a temporary high or pit stop until someone who has wife credentials shows up.
2.) Divorces happen, even when people are committed.
Some arguments in forums claim that someone (usually a man), chooses to not marry, because they are looking for an easy way out.
It almost seems like breaks up is effortless. It’s not easy to walk away from someone with whom you spent many years. It’s true that not paying for a divorce makes saying goodbye easier.
3.) Each of us has a different perspective
Your parents may have told you stories about their first encounter as you grew up. However, your partner may have been raised in a home filled with drama and fights.
Marriage can influence our views on the institution. When all they have heard about marriage is negative, who will be desperate to get married? It doesn’t make sense for your partner to get married if they are already fully committed to you without having to sign a government promise.
It’s not that I think people who have divorced parents are less likely to marry. People have their own associations. You should try to see things from your partner’s point of view, without thinking that their refusal to propose means they do not love you.
4.) The right reason to marry is not always the one you think.
Some people marry to solve relationship problems, while others do so for other reasons. Others use marriage as a way to fix relationship issues, while others want to appease their families or whining partner. When couples look like they are already on the way to a breakup, I’ve seen them tie the knot. Marriage has connotations that are synonymous with love and dedication. However, people getting married to other reasons than love proves the proposal does not signify a commitment.
Should you still stay with someone who does not want to get married? You have to decide how far you are willing to go in compromising and whether you will be able live with the decision you make. It’s important to not resent the person you are with, but can you live happily knowing that they chose you?
The best way to proceed is always to be open-minded and communicate. Don’t lie to each other. If you are secretly hoping for an engagement ring, don’t pretend you have no interest in marriage.