It feels like just yesterday. We had been married for only 19 days when we had a heated argument. I don’t even remember what the fight was about, but I vividly recall my husband asking aloud if we had made the right choice. It was only 19 days into our marriage, and we were already arguing.
The reality is far from the Hollywood depiction of perfect marriages. Allow me to share with you what Hollywood won’t and what you may not want to hear—the raw truth about the first year of marriage.
1. There will be big disagreements
It wasn’t our first fight, nor was it the last. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing and fighting. You should always try to work together and make your disagreements constructive and positive. However, a disagreement does not mean that your relationship will end or you’re wrong for one another. You simply don’t have to agree. It’s fine.
2. The Marriage Is REALLY Hard
Marriage is hard. I didn’t realize how hard until I got married. It can be difficult to find a way to combine your different styles, beliefs, taste, and preferences into a new life that fits your family. You’ll need to learn a lot about how to love your spouse, where to live and how to raise children, as well as how frequently to visit your inlaws. You’ll learn a lot by trial and error.
3. You will change your mind
My husband and I discussed all the important questions that engaged couples need to ask before getting married. We asked questions like, “How many children will we have?” and “Who will do the cleaning in the bathroom?” or “Will one of us stay at home?” Thankfully-our answers were identical! We were all in the same situation until we found ourselves there. As an example, I wanted to become a mom who stayed at home… but I wasn’t able to do so. It turns out that I like working. It’s fine.
4. It’s more different than you think
John Gray had a point when he said, “Men Are From Mars and Women Are from Venus.” While you may not come from different planets as you go through marriage, you will be surprised at how much you differ. Consider these differences an opportunity instead of a problem! You can combine the two worlds by using different perspectives.
5. The Love You Have Is Not Enough
Love and happiness for your partner are great, but they’re not enough. You will have days where you are more in love than other times with your spouse. It’s perfectly normal and okay. It’s important to commit to one another that you will work through whatever life throws at you. This is how to have a relationship that lasts a lifetime.