Are there factors preventing you from dating? Many of us have expressed the sentiment: “If I achieve this, then I’ll pursue that and find happiness!”
This approach is often referred to as the Do-Be-Have mindset, which can trap us in a perpetual cycle of waiting. This waiting can feel like it stretches on indefinitely. If we continue seeking more “haves,” we may never find true satisfaction in our lives.
Are you unable to move forward?
This is a way of dating where we hold back doing things that we would like to do until after we’ve started a relationship. You may have wanted to take a cooking course, but thought it would be better to go on a date. You may have wanted to go on a new camping trip or hike, but you would prefer it if your boyfriend was there with you. You may have wanted to try out a new restaurant, but decided to hold off until you get a boyfriend.
We are held back by the idea that we must “have” or “do”, a relationship, before we “can” do activities which would help us to feel fulfilled.
What if your approach to love was based on a “Be – Do – Have” mindset?
You can create your own world. Imagine if you started allowing yourself the emotions you desire NOW. Begin with “Being”. Instead of waiting to be in a new relationship for your inner state to change, embody the emotions and qualities associated with what you desire.
Imagine a world where you would start to love, admire, cherish and support yourself, and make time for YOU?
Here’s my challenge to you if you are up for it:
This month, be aware of everything that is happening in line with what you want. Do one thing every week that will make you feel great or something you have been wanting to do.
The next step is to keep track of your activities on a daily calendar. My clients buy stickers with hearts for dates or happy hours. I also get them to purchase star stickers that represent all of the good things that they do for themselves. Below are my suggestions.
You’ll look back at the end of each month and be able see how your actions have changed the way you feel, including the energy you radiate, the mood you project, and the state you maintain. Stop waiting until that special “thing” (i.e., relationship) comes along. You will notice the good feeling of not holding back. You’ll start seeing new signs of progress in your life when you look at the calendar.
Heart-shaped Ideas:
- Sit at your favorite restaurant’s bar to enjoy a mocktail or cocktail.
- Go on a self-date
- Enjoy Happy Hour with your girlfriend
- You may meet some potential partners at a social gathering.
- You should be alert if someone offers you a drink, or begins to talk with you on the elevator or subway.
How to give yourself stars
- Take the time to read or watch a film.
- Bubble bath
- Pedicure or manicure (DIY salon or DIY)
- Spending time on body oils or lotions
- Facials (do-it-yourself or spa)
- Nature is a great place to relax and enjoy.