Remember how great and secure it felt the last time you shared a good conversation with your partner?
Remember a situation where a conversation turned into conflict. The train left the station, and it was impossible to get back on. It’s never fun. We’ve all experienced it in our relationships. When you’re in a bad fight, the whole world can seem to be ending.
Before a fight, everything changes. You can feel the shift in your body as you go from calm communication into conflict. You can feel it in your body. You can feel it in your body.
There are still other times when you can shift your focus. It’s difficult to shift when you are angry, hurt and upset. In that moment, it’s best to take some time away to calm down and gain a better perspective.
Here is a quick tip to help you the next time that you find yourself in a conflict or feel like your communication has shifted from being positive to negative.
Step One: Stop talking.
Stop. Just stop. No more shouting, trying to be heard, interrupting, nothing.
Step two: Excuse yourself (politely) and relax.
It’s not the same as storming out or slamming your door, so resist the urge to do it in a fit of rage. Tell your partner that you need to go to another place to calm down.
Relax and get away from the situation. Stretch. Take a stroll. Take a walk. Take a nap. (Have you noticed that most fights happen in the evening when people are tired? Rest!
It also allows your partner to have a rest. You’ll have a better chance to reach a resolution when you are both calm and collected. You might also realize that there was an misunderstanding. You may also realize that the conflict was a misunderstanding and you were simply tired or hungry. Instead of fighting, you could have a great conversation because it solves problems and leads to growth. Fights don’t.
Stop fighting if you want to stop.
That’s it.
“We cannot solve problems using the same type of thinking that we used to create them.”
– Albert Einstein