You’d probably think your photo and profile are the most important factors when it comes to online dating. In fact, you’d be mistaken. Don’t get me wrong. If you do not have an accurate profile and/or warm, flattering photos then your dating life is over. It doesn’t really matter how great your photos or profile are, if these things don’t exist. These two secrets may seem minor, but after 19 years teaching how to be a more successful online dater, they are the most important factors that determine whether or not you will delete your profile once you have found the one.
Let’s talk about them. We’ll talk about these two things.
Online dating success secret 1:Patience
It may sound easy to be patient, but this is the secret of online dating success. You will find it difficult to remain calm when everyone is pushing you to date more. This includes your family and friends as well as dating apps. You want the best for yourself, but I have heard countless clients tell me how friends have pushed them to go out more. The idea is that they need to date a lot to find the perfect person. You’ve probably heard that you have to kiss at least 100 frogs before finding your prince/princess. That is just garbage. By looking them in the eye and saying, “Hey!” you can get rid of 80% of frogs. Then move on to the person next. Inaction may seem to be inaction, but you’re not (unless, of course, you’re actually doing nothing).
A healthy inaction is when you don’t reach out as much as possible to find a partner. You should read the profile and see if you have a real connection before sending a “like” or a message. You don’t need to accept first dates because it’s been a long time since you’ve had one. It’s better to stay home rather than go on a date you know isn’t going well. There’s a certain element of luck to first dates. But if you pay attention to your instinct, you will be able to tell the ones that are going to fail.
Patience under Pressure
You may think that the dating sites and apps themselves are a lot more stressful than what your friends or family can do to you. You should not use dating sites. These are big corporations that have investors as their primary focus. Their primary objective is to find a way to make a profit next quarter, not necessarily help you fall in love. In order to achieve this goal, the companies use devices and tactics that make it seem like you’re missing out on something if you don’t stay active. You can also be rewarded in ways which are emotionally harmful.
Tinder and Bumble use a Mutual Swipe mechanism where the message “It’s a Match!” appears on your screen when two people swipe to the right. You get the same release of dopamine in your brain when you see this message as you would if you had won $5 at a scratch-off ticket or pulled the lever on a slots machine. In the past couple of years I’ve had clients in recovery from drug and alcohol abuse who could not use swipe apps. They found them to be triggering.
You will need to be patient if you wish to find success in online dating. You can’t guarantee that on any particular day, you will find someone you like or that anyone will look for you. When I last used online dating, before I met my wife I spent two months on Match and messaged only two women. I ended up in a six-month relationship. Burnout is guaranteed if you send a lot of messages hoping to get the desired result. It’s not necessary to send many messages. Be patient, and ensure that you’re reaching the right people.
Online dating success secret 2: Don’t be selfish!
On online dating apps, men send way too many messages. When women do send messages, it’s not nearly enough. And when they send, it is often to the wrong person. Both of these problems are caused by the fact that online dating is our goal. This mission is to find the woman or man of your dreams. We don’t always take into consideration the man or woman of our dreams.
If you’re unsure, ask yourself if you are attracted by the person. They’ll find out and then you’ll sound just like everyone else who doesn’t really have a reason to reach out. You need to have a good reason to start the conversation, other than just because you’re interested in it.
How to Read an Online Dating Profile
There’s not much information in a profile on apps like Tinder, Bumble, and even Hinge. You’re looking at their profile to find one item that you are interested in enough to start a discussion. You can’t just ask about something you’re not interested in. It’s not enough to just be curious about the thing they mention in their profile. You have to actually want to talk to them. You may think that they’re hot if you don’t see it. It’s fine but not enough.
It’s easy to base a decision on looks when you use apps such as Match, eHarmony or Zoosk. This is especially true if the profile of a person doesn’t contain much information. It’s also easy to be swept up in romance or the promise of a life someone portrays in their profile. It’s important to distinguish between compatibility and want.
What to avoid and how to say no
You will waste time if you send messages to those who won’t respond. You are not out of their league. It’s not possible, especially if your goal is to find love online. If you cannot find any evidence to suggest that the person is looking for someone similar, then you shouldn’t send them a message. No matter how incredible their story sounds, it doesn’t really matter. They don’t have to improve your life. Both of you have to work together well.
It can be difficult to say no when you are being told to do things like kiss 100 frogs or miss 100% of shots. But, think about the alternative. You don’t need to send 100 emails if you can get the same results by sending 8. You don’t have to be pushed to repeatedly reject yourself just because your parents taught you that failure is inaction. Online dating success is about both knowing what moves to take and knowing when not moving is the right move.