Did you know that conversations with your partner can sometimes derail before they even begin?By taking a moment to reflect before speaking, you can enhance the quality of your conversations, making them more enjoyable, safer, and more meaningful.
Here are five brief tips to assist you in considering your words before speaking.
Choose a single topic for discussion.
Which specific aspect of this topic would you like to focus on?
There are many topics to discuss. You can move on to the next topic after you have a successful discussion about your ONE main focus.
What You Feel
Decide what you think about it. Clarify your feelings to yourself so that you can communicate them to your partner when you have this discussion. You should be more specific. If you are “upset”, can you narrow it down to sad? annoyed? confused? If you are clear and let your partner in on it, they’ll be able to better connect with you.
3) Your conversation goals
- What are you hoping to get out of the conversation?
- What would you like to see happen?
- What do you want to be feeling?
- What would you like to achieve at the end?
You can communicate more clearly with your partner if you have a clear understanding of the issue before you raise it.
As an example:
Do you want to have your partner listen to what you’ve been saying and then hug you at the end of it? Or,
Do you want to hear your partner’s opinion on different ways of solving a problem you are facing? These are two very different goals.
Knowing your goals will make you both feel calmer and more in control.
4) Show your appreciation for your partner
Think back on a time when you and your partner had a conversation that was successful, similar to what you are looking to have with your partner today. Or, remember if you saw your partner doing the same thing with someone else. You may want to include some details about what you liked most about your partner.
Spend a few minutes expressing your gratitude for all the things that you partner has done.
When and where?
When are you both most comfortable talking together? Good energy, no distractions, no interruptions. Consider times when you will not be rushed or stressed and that you can spend time together.
What is the best place to be together, and feel comfortable? You can enjoy your partner in a room, on a bench outside or during a walk.
Remember This
Take some time before starting a conversation to think about these points. This will help you to be clearer. When the time comes for the conversation, you’ll feel both better.